im just a player of god that create diary here...

Saturday, November 7, 2009

another game

in my list...
you will owys be number 1....
i will never say no when u r have any request...
no matter how ridiculous the request is...
no matter how tired m i..
i will be thr just to full feel everything u nid...
i will never say no...
unless the request will harm ppl or urself...
but bear in mind.
im a human too......
i cant be thr 24 hours...
i am not a perfect human..
i do mistakes as well...
im a daughter of mymom...
im a fren to others as well...
i dun c any speciality for me to do so much of things for u....
neither u appreciate everything i have done for u...
maybe im tired...
maybe just too much i have done for u as a fren....
maybe i nid a rest or a full stop for doing so much for u....
cz....
i dun c a smile or i dun get a thank you from u....
im not hoping much..
bcz i do everything for u...
WILLINGLY...
i do it happily...
just to make u happy...
n yet...
arghhhh.....
now i realize....
some fren reli treat u as fren..thats y they give in so much..
some frens just will take in the "give in" by the fren...
no appreciation...no paying back..
that will owys lead to a break of a ship...
yes- the frenship....
not going to bother u....not going to do anything for u...
chances have been given..
yet.....
.........................................
being a lazy bug in the house due to the sem break....
oh yea...
too boring.....
dramas and shopping are the only thing i can do to waste my time...
muahahaha...
not forget -reading news to update myself..
talking about news....
i have read 1 article from news paper...
there are many many rumours spreading around that...
the doom day will fall on the year of 2012...
this is because some popular write have stated the calendar until the 21/12/2012...
and nomore further date....
which represent or bring another meaning that..
the world has no more "day" after the particular date...
hence....
conclusion have made by those funny ppl that...
the world...the earth is going to say bye bye...
i told 1 of my best gila fren-tiff about my philosophy towards dooms day...
she said- u r reli mad....and i dun understand what r u talking about...
maybe...my imagination is too over..
or i have my own thought..
im abit xiao..
or very xiao...
but thats just me..
muahaha....
phone already kena cancer...
slowly dying due to my careless...
i din give my phone any chemotherapy...
cz too expensive...
i would rather my phone die peacefully w/o any side effect...
dun let the hair drop lo...
dun let my phone vomit.....
"CRAZY" - i knw u guys scolding..
hahahahaha...
planning to find the next of keen for my phone..
E71 is my 1st choice...
but my wallet the boss dun allow...
hahahaha..
stil saving for it...
wallet wallet....
plz la...
zhang hei abit!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

xian ar

having my 2nd last paper in the afternoon...
waking up in the morning is just so torturing...
how i wish i can sleep until the time i want...
w/o the disturbance of alarm...
my housemates all are sleeping soundly...
except me who is here reading the notes of testes and ovary...
blame myself for being lazy and playful...
wasting all the time sleeping and Fb-ing...
alot things happened recently...
some do affect my mood drastically..
some, i just take it as ntg...
hope everything will go smooth...
i dun wish to have so much of prob...
especially in frenship which i treasure very much...
i dream alot nowadays..
especially after i discuss about the migration to uk to stay with my sister with my dad..
but everything has to be firm after my 1st degree here..
im planning to walk a way that is out of my mind..
leaving all my frens and family behind here..
going out thr alone..
will i regret i wonder?
i guess i will stick to my favorite brand slogan- just do it..
hahahaha....
maybe im just that feelingless...
as what my best fren say---
U CAN JUST LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND AND DO WHAT U LIKE...
i wish what she said is true..
then i need not to think much in everything i do.
think of this fella's feeling..
that fella's feeling...
y?
y must i think of ur feeling when u dun even bother mine?
im soft-hearted i admit...
but i guess..
fibrosis has form firmly in my heart that i feel..
i dun12 give U any chance to hurt me anymore...
mind U?
get out of my life n stop asking me to obey ur order...
duh......geram!
wah...
blog- gas tong....
feel better after bla-ing..
im going back to testes n ovary...
wonder why this ppl got so many disease...

Monday, September 28, 2009

i wanan dump u

why out of such a big would, i will like a person like you?
make myself such a slave...
make myself such an idiot..
make me feel im worthless...nt even worth a cent...
how much i wish that i can just leave u..
how much i wish that i can just dump u aside n be a happy lone ranger..
but too bad...
im just a very very bad parasite that must stick to u...
im learning..
learning how to hate u..
learning how to say-im leaving u idiot...
i wish i can just leave u...
i wish i can..
i hope i can...
plzz...god bless...
let me have the determination....
i wana leave u!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

justice plz

hot news recently is about teo beng hock who is being killed...
when i received the news...
the 1st thing i thought of was.....
"my god...he kinda good looking guy"...
the next thing was- he is dead now....
i dint reli care about the news until my coursemates talk 2 me...
and she told me tat he was suppose to marry soon...
i was kinda shock n sad for him...
but what to do?
its facts that he passed away....
with his "wife" pregnant 2 months old....
n the child will be born without an identity....
how he passed away?
this is the answer tha the whole nation wanna knw....
but the answer will never reveal...
unless he come back alive....
every1 knw thinks that he was being killed by ppl...
but thr's no prove...
i knw alot of them being emo n angry when this "fact" happen n ntg can b done...
honestly..
i was kinda emo for the few days...
i was thinking...
isit this world will nvr have truth?
even a person who u love may just lie to u....
what about ppl who is ntg or no relation with u?
everything came just so sudden...
reli ntg can be done....
forensic?
forensic medical officer?
police?
investigator?
wat else?
when u treat ppl sincerely..
do u get wat u want?
every 1 say: do it sincerely n dun expect for any pay back...
oh god...
plz......
yes...... we can be so tenderheart to help with sincere heart....
but wat if the person we help dun even apc?
emo is the word i can decribe myself now...
not bcz my mood is nt good...
but im reli tired of the face of human being around us....
how i wish...
i can just runaway and have a nice place to b myself...
i just 12 be myself....
when can i earn my money?
when can i just go away?
without thinking of ppl behind me?
conclusion?
we r the players of god.....
we nid to walk n follow the pathway has been set...
no other way...

Monday, June 22, 2009

when death approach!


在我最后一次

闭上眼睛之前

我想对你说我爱你

在你怀里

舍不得放弃

心里有千万语还没说给你

听我使劲全力

不想闭上眼睛

这次告别就不能再相遇

不能再陪你

但不要忘记你曾经答应我你会好好活下去

先走了 去了好远的地方

不能再陪你看日出

等不到天亮

所有回忆没去 却并不容易

生死由天决定 不要太伤心

在我最后一次

闭上眼睛之前

我想对你说我爱你

在你怀里 舍不得放弃

心里有千万语还没说给你听

我使劲全力 不想闭上眼睛

这次告别就不能再相遇

不能再陪你但不要忘记

你曾经答应我你会好好活下去

我永远爱你



have repeated listen to this song for duno how many times..

from this song i can feel the fear of death..

its true that when death is near...

a person will appreaciate everything around them.

thats is with condition that, she / he knew that the time is there...

but what about human that face that w/o any notice?

just like a person just collapse in a second due to sickness which is unknown?

a person who died because accident?

they dun even have a chance to say anything to their next of keen...

so sad for them...

i remember very well..

when i was having my so call practical in forensic department...

the deceased was just able to lie on the bed...

and the relatives just can cry and cry n cry...

what can they do?

they cant wake the deceased up anymore...

they can say " hey, tmr lets have a drink"

they no longer can feel the warmness of the deceased...

the next thing they going to face is , they going to lost the body

after the lovely soul of a deacesed..

this doesnt happen to old ppl...

even a person who is just 21...

nothing is impossible..

im not promoting adidas...

what i said is true...

i have seen many different cases...

you may say im tough to face all these cases or deceased...

but what if that person is my dearest family or my friends?

*touch wood*

i dont wish to think of it...

im scare..

im worry to lose any1 around me...

but i stil have to face it...

because everything has been set...

as i said..

we are just the players of god...

when HE say its time to go..

we cant say anything....

the only thing that we can do during our colourful life..

is appreciate every1 you love...

spend more time with them equally..

ofcourse dont spend time with ur bf/ gf only..

what about your frens?

what about ur family?

think about it..

to ppl who thinking to suicide...

plz.....

think twice...

there is nomore turning back like how u drive...

u no longer can c the sun, u hate so much..

the thunder that u r afraid of...

what u face will be things that the alive human cant c....

hmmmm..

after this post..

i wonder stil can i be a forensic medical officer?

or its normal to feel ntg when ppl die..

but nt the 1 you love?

to every1 i love n i know...

I LOVE U!!!

hahhaa....

gelinya!

hug everyone u love...

let ur love flow tru their body!

Monday, May 18, 2009

life is roller coaster!

my brother inlaw- life is not a straight line..
i believe this...
because no matter how rich or poor you are..
you will still need to face the obstacles that god set to test you n me..
when u r happy at this moment..
u might be sad at the nex moment..
ntg is perfect..
all we need to do stil is stil we need to learn how to be independent ..
and dont listen to others words that might hurt u..
after mixing around with different people in different stage and different background..
i realize...
i turn to be more positive thinking instead of negative...
thank god that he lead me to this T3...
i have the best family ..
i have the best mates to accompany me when im down..
i have the best kai "pet dog" who will make me smile when i look at him..
i know it sound weird..
but. heaven its true..
hopefully, the problem im facing now can be solved as soon as possible..
with the best way i wish so much!
i know im nt the most sincere people who pray..
but this time i pray really hard like how i wish to pass my clinical biochem.
hehe..
okok..
forget about the sad stuff.
let god decide...

Sunday, December 7, 2008

my life

its in a new sem again....
this is a very heavy sem...
til i cant breath eventhough im free...
always nid to further study on wat my lecturer has taught..
have to do assignment...
have to owys make myself ready for question...
even in the class..
im not dare to yawn or look either left or right..
im just like a puppet in the class..
i love to talk..
i love to joke..
i love to make the class laugh..
i love to interact..
but this sem,...
all this stupid thing i can only do it in pathology lab..
n this made me really inlove with patholgy..
infact..i like pathology before i study the subject...
was having my holiday..
busy working that time..
no time to spend for any interesting trip or spend with my frens..
not only because of my heavy schedule..
but..
my car had admitted into workshop due to accident..
aiks...
i miss my car...
i miss the seat..
i miss the steering..
i miss the air con..
i miss the pedal..
i miss everything..
i just wish 6553 come back 2 me asap...
haiz....
during the holiday...
many things happen..
and it really made me feel love can be sweet n the best damn thing in the world..
it also can be evil in the same time..
looking 1 of my fren..
turning so down because of the partner...
n yet.....
the partner...
gosh...
i reli speechless...
if im reli in my fren's situation..
i will reli talk to the partner n say " out u go"
too bad my fren is just tooooo soft hearted...
everyday i will receice my fren's call..
telling me how suffer..
asking me what to do...
telling me how to survive...
asking me alot of stupid question...
wat can i do?
to advise to dump the useless fella? or advise to get back?
both are my fren..
n i just can give a neutral advise...
feel so useless...
n i reli cant do much....
i just hope both of my frens to b happy...
time pass very very very fast...
1 moment of sadness...
1 moment of happiness..
1 moment of busyness...
1 moment of lazy-ness..
will really bring all ur time towards the pass...
nothing we can do to bring back the time we have wasted...
but it seems alot of ppl will only realize that when they are losing some 1..or they are in the stage of going to another step..which end of their life...
in this year i din reli do alot of tings..
but im glad that i have explore to different stage...
explore to a stage tat i nid to stand by my own when i face some problem...
explore to a stage that some ppl are reli ur true fren.
im glad i knw that i can b alone without any 1's support 1ce i reli can earn my own money..
im glad that i can b myself..
im glad that i beat down my anatomy lecturer and defence my fren...
all these are the things that lead to maturity?
i duno...
but at least i have came to this stage...
i wont be a timid gal when i face problem..
i wont shiver alone when i face problem..
i knw i have some 1 to support me nomatter how...
i knw how 2 handle all the craps...
i dun like the feelings of being bully..
i dun like when the truth ccant b revealed...
i know this world ntg name as fair..
but atleast i will try my best to get wat i shud...
i knw in the future i might face difficulties...
but yes...im going to fight to get wat i should..
im sorry 2 tana's mom that i have washed tana's brain...*tana will knw y*
hahahaha...

at last...
me n you...
will both of us back to the time when we really appreciate each other?
can we just stop argue?
can we just stop hurting each other?
i duno...
i only knw...
my tears will flow not because of immunological reaction..
but it will flow because i feel the pain in my heart when we argue..
aiks..
dun wish to continue talking about u n me..
hopefully u understand..
i stil appreciate u in the heart sincerely..


life is really short...
i dun lie..
im not crapping here...
my uncle just admitted hospital because of stroke...
my aunt almost got stroe because she cant accept the fact...
just like my blog title..
im a just a player of the god...
if the god 1 me to die..
i will surely die..
if thhe god 1s me to die with all the pain...
surely i will get it...
charity...
help more ppl..
die with no regret..
thats all i can advise...
and of cause..
live healthy..
dun simply go n find hooker..
dun simply eat at hawker stall....
hahahah....